After my phone interview with the radio station regarding my first book, I got in the car, intending to run a “cosmetic errand” (I had a spray-tan appointment!). Half-way up our quarter-mile driveway, I slowed the car to a snail’s pace, awestruck by the otherworldly sight of pink, billowy clouds towering  in the northwestern corner of our hay meadow like a fairytale fortress I’d only glimpsed in childhood dreams.

I said aloud, “God, that is beautiful.”

Continuing on, I saw our Schnauzer Dora trotting along the fence line at the top of our driveway. I knew her walking partner, my dad, was nearby, and I decelerated again to look for him.

I soon noticed him lying on his back on a gentle grassy slope, just inches from the concrete road. A tall pine tree above him, my initial thought was that he was likely admiring the evening sky, anticipating the meteor shower to come at nightfall.  But when I called to him, he didn’t answer.

Understandably, it gets very painful to continue writing at this point. The details of that evening, from what he was wearing (a royal blue t-shirt that I mentally noted looked fantastic on him, black shorts, blue, size 15 Nikes, and Mickey Mouse socks), to the haunting sound of ambulance sirens approaching for what seemed like days, are etched indelibly into my memory. And I’m grateful. I’m grateful because one of the strongest images I can recall is of his face…

Lying face-up on a bed of pine needles and soft brown soil, with a blanket of warm summer sunset draping over him, I’d never seen him more peaceful. It was unmistakably apparent to my mom, uncle, and myself who saw him there, that he’d left this world with a smile – we could still see it lingering on his lips.

When we returned home from the hospital that night, our spirits utterly crushed beneath the weight of our loss, our eyes burning from tears and yet screaming to create more to cry, I found something that made us smile and give thanks.

Restless, I’d begun flipping mindlessly through a stack of papers at the end of the counter where my parents habitually placed articles, notes, mail for one another to see. That day was no different; my dad had left a handful of papers on his way in from work that night. I was stunned to come across a sheet of paper that clearly didn’t belong. It contained the lyrics to the song “Smile” (see below). Even more extraordinary, the first stanza was pointed to with an arrow drawn by my dad.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

We won’t know until we meet him in Heaven again why he left those lyrics. One could question whether he might’ve known his time was short, perhaps even on a subconscious level. Others, like myself, might posit the possibility that the piece of spirit-lifting paper was inserted into the stack after his departure. God has, after all, allowed crazier things.

As a brief epilogue, I feel led to share what happened just half an hour ago as I started writing this post. While writing, staring out my office window into a bright, blue sky and low-hanging stratus clouds and listening to my “Philip Glass” station on Pandora,  I thought this prayer: Lord, I would love to hear “Clare de Lune” right now.

As you can probably guess, “Clare de Lune” is a very special song to me; my dad played it beautifully on our piano. After he passed away, I would seemingly hear it everywhere and would laugh and cry simultaneously. Well, just moments after thinking that prayer, guess what played on Pandora.

I’m glad my Kleenex box was nearby.

Thank You, Jesus, for Your unfailing comfort. Thank You for the unshakable strength found in the shadow of Your wings.  Thank You for conquering death and the grave with Your selfless sacrifice. Thank You for never leaving us, never forsaking us.   Thank You that still today, You bend the laws of physics, defy the rules of reason, and rend the heavens to kiss the earth with custom-made miracles.

Yours is a Kingdom of Day, a River of Life, a Throne of Grace, a Paradise of Peace for those who would simply believe and accept You as God’s Son.

 

 

 

Stay fit, stay faithful ~<3 Di